Never before has age and aging been as big a part of the national dialogue as it was this summer when President Joe Biden’s fitness for another term was analyzed, criticized, and vocalized continuously until the din became so loud, that Biden, while recovering from Covid, made the announcement to step away from the 2024 presidential race.
This blog isn’t about politics; instead, it is about the perceptions, myths, and realities surrounding aging. Compared to 81-year-old Biden and Republican candidate Donald Trump, who is 78, Kamala Harris is a mere baby of 59 (she turns 60 before the election). Yet, I just turned 62, and despite looking pretty darn healthy on paper, I am experiencing some aging issues.
Words that come to mind: breasts, bowel movements, backaches, and bulges (as in fat) – and for women, the truly unspeakable word, postmenopausal. I know, gasp!?! How could I write such dirty words at the start of this blog? Because the struggle is real.
How often do popular publications publish anything discussing topics so embarrassing that they are rarely acknowledged even though ALL of us will experience them? A dearth of information has led to a population uneducated about what awaits them. Friends don’t talk about it because it’s too humiliating to admit our weaknesses.
Many people lament the things their parents never explained to them – sex, taxes, and a lifetime of hard work. I contend that more than those topics -- which I could figure out easily enough on my own -- what they should have told me about was aging. Until I reached 50 and started to experience some body breakdowns, I was completely naïve about aging. No one had warned me.
Of course, I saw older people with walkers, hearing aids, and regular doctor appointments, but those were elderly people, not me, a spry 50-year-old. My grandparents died young and my parents were aging well and handling their issues, so I was somewhat protected from what lay ahead.
More than a decade later, I’m coming out of the closet. I am a healthy, active, 62-year-old who is beginning to feel the wears and tears on my body, and wishes someone could give me an easy course of remedy. My husband, a doctor, told me that’s not going to happen.
It reminds me of the song we used to sing when our kids were younger by the alt rock band They Might Be Giants called “Older.” Here’s the riff that loops through my brain on days when I particularly feel my age:
You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're older still.
Time! Is marching on.
And time, is still marching on.
To listen to the song and watch the video, go to "Older" by They Might Be Giants
Time to step aside?
It’s a conundrum in our society about what older people are able to do, when they can and should retire, and how to afford the health care costs of an aging population. All of these issues have personal applications – some 80-year-olds are more capable than others. Most have been paying into health and retirement funds for many years and should be able to retire when they feel ready.
In 1983, Congress raised the age at which citizens were eligible to collect social security from 65 to 67 by 2022. It’s still possible to begin collecting social security as early as 62, but that would lower benefits by 30%.
While it’s possible to retire at 62, many Americans prefer to keep working, especially if their jobs are not physical. So why the clamor about someone serving as president in his or her 80s?
It is true that some cognitive skills may decline, although researchers in 2015 found in data from 50,000 subjects that each cognitive skill they tested peaked at a different age. They found that people are fastest at processing information around 18 or 19, when that speed starts to decline. Short-term memory was found to improve until 25 before it started to level off and then drop around the age of 35. Yet, reading others’ emotional states was a skill that didn’t peak until the 40s or 50s.
While reading, vocabulary and verbal reasoning can improve during the aging process, the Weill Institute for Neurosciences Memory and Aging Center at UC San Francisco, notes that in reality, most people will start to notice age-related declines including slowness in thinking, difficulty sustaining attention, multitasking, holding onto thoughts, and finding the right words.
Because of these declines, many fields have age limits. The FAA requires pilots to retire at 65 while air traffic controllers are done even sooner (56) although they can petition to work until 61. Many police departments set limits in the 60s, foreign-service employees in the State Department can serve till 65. This is because of research that has shown that cognitive decline is clear by the 70s, particularly in memory and reasoning capabilities.
A Pew Research Center survey from fall of 2023 found that 79% of Americans favor maximum age limits for elected officials and 74 percent support them also for Supreme Court justices. This is something the Democrat and Republican parties can agree on. With the median age of U.S. senators at 65.3, it’s a clear subject of interest.
Prejudice against older Americans?
Is this ageism, when older people are discriminated against based solely on their ages? According to the American Psychological Association, ageism is one of the “last socially accepted prejudices.” It noted that aging is a diverse process meaning that it affects different individuals differently and at different times. That means we cannot put a stereotype on the abilities of all older individuals. Some older people become more creative, and others become better at ignoring distractions, for instance.
Despite my advancing age, I confess to sometimes being an ageist. When I stop to think about it, I wonder why? Is it because I am afraid of what lies so closely in front of me? Is it because I still feel young and don’t want to be lumped in with “old people”? Is it because some older people act entitled and clueless? Yes, yes, and yes, yet it’s also true that younger people can act entitled and clueless, particularly when it comes to the topic of aging.
My therapist thinks it is because aging feels shameful. It’s new territory, a loss of ability and fear. She also thinks that because some older people can seem to be so set in their ways that don’t always seem logical to others, we can tend to dismiss them or feel frustrated by them.
Add to that the fears and shame associated with aging, and many people will feel a loss of control. She says it’s necessary to remind myself that “my physical abilities do not equal my self-worth” and to give myself flexibility.
At the same time that I’m giving myself grace, I need to learn to also give it to others who are older and more inhibited by aging than me. My therapist suggests finding ways to make real connections with older people to develop empathy and to imagine older strangers as people I know to help create empathy. Even watching movies about older people can help.
A New York Times theater critic recently wrote about the trend of movies featuring older actresses embracing their age while having fun like the buddy comedies of the past – that includes 80 for Brady, The Fabulous Four, Poms, Summer Camp, and Book Club. Famous comedic actresses like Lily Tomlin, Rhea Perlman, Bette Midler, and Jane Fonda among others star in these films urging aging women to live life to the fullest despite society telling them otherwise. This sounds like a fun form of therapy.
Coming clean
It’s no coincidence that these aging issues became magnified because I was also feeling the onslaught of postmenopausal life, too. As I detailed in my May blog, my husband and I became empty nesters around the same time that my feet started breaking down due to plantar fasciitis when I was 53. I was also hitting menopause then. That meant three big lifestyle changes – more eating out, less cardio and carb burning from a regular running routine, and hormones gone haywire. Along with aging that equals a recipe for weight gain and rapid body changes.
I do a strength/cardio/core style workout for 45 minutes five to six times a week, average 4.5 miles of walking a day, ride bicycle frequently, and do flexibility workouts. Despite burning calories with all of this exercise, I have been steadily adding a few pounds each year over the past 10 years.
Since I went public here in May seeking accountability in my journey to better health and anti-aging regimens, it is time to check in and report that while I have been monitoring my eating and my exercise, I’m not seeing big changes in my body. I have lost and gained and lost the same four to five pounds since I started this project in April. Well, of course, just monitoring doesn’t make a difference; it’s doing that makes the difference. I am doing the exercise part just fine, so the diet part is still the culprit – probably portion size and alcohol. I’m also going to blame aging.
That means I need to delve more deeply into those dirty words.
Here are my personal aging issues: 1. Bigger, saggier breasts – ugh! I can’t believe I just wrote that out loud! 2. Extra fat around my waist and upper arms; 3. Arthritic knees; 4. Tendonitis in my Achilles; 5. A need to take a daily laxative and fiber to keep my system running smoothly.
Let’s start with the idea that “bigger is no longer better.” Unfortunately, genetics, body fat, and hormones don’t care about trends, and rather than finding their breast sizes decrease after menopause, many women are now seeing the opposite. In theory, breast size should decrease with less estrogen after menopause, but progesterone levels also drop dramatically, leaving women in estrogen dominance, which can keep breasts large and full. This extra estrogen works as a fat magnet, locking it in around the stomach/waist areas and breasts, according a 2016 report in The Daily Mail.
Getting rid of this extra estrogen and extra fat is not as easy as a diet fix. It entails a lifestyle change and adopting a Mediterranean style eating plan. Alcohol, dairy, and junk food will hinder efforts. Exercise, supplements, citrus, and seeds will help.
This diet/exercise/supplement regimen should also help the issues of holding onto fat around my waist and upper arms. OK, good. Two down, three to go.
Arthritis and tendonitis both seem to be facts of life for almost everyone, particularly for those who suffered serious joint injuries earlier in life. Exercise can help – although some activities more than others – but too much could also hurt. Strength training is helpful for people with bone density issues, swimming is gentler on the joints as is cycling. Some people may be able to run till the day they die, while others suffer foot, ankle, and joint issues with increased pounding. Again, this can be individual, and it’s important to discuss with your doctors and your trainers.
Finally, gut health. Why, oh why, do I have so much trouble with regular bowel movements? Age, right? I now fight that with a daily dose of the aptly named Miralax and a fiber supplement. I’m so much happier when I’m regular and this has done the trick.
With a little Googling, a solution or plan can be unearthed for nearly every problem, but be sure to read regularly. Just last week, I read that soy milk was best for aging women, so I ditched my oat milk and bought soy. Two days later, I read that soy contains estrogen and might exacerbate that holding onto fat problem. Good grief. This proves that it’s best to talk with your doctor and a dietitian.
There’s hope
Wait! Lest I’ve made this too real or too depressing, let me reassure everyone that aging is not all bad and I am not about to keel over. I am overall quite healthy, my weight is not too high, my blood pressure plays around a little, but is mostly fine, and all of my other major numbers are good. I don’t have any diseases, and I’ve only ever had one surgery and that was for a bad ankle sprain. My eyesight has been improving. I can hear just fine – despite wax buildup. I have all of my own teeth. And I’m active and can do anything I want.
I usually lift higher weights than most of the younger women at my gym. I am about to embark on a bike trip through Tuscany riding 30+ miles a day. I drive a stick shift and I’m not afraid of driving anywhere including through New York City, which I’ve done many times.
Even better, as if reading my thoughts, an email from the Mayo Clinic promoting a new book just turned up in my inbox. It’s the book I’ve been looking for since I turned 30. Not only does Healthy Aging outline the biology of aging, it discusses how to slow the aging process. It’s not too late!
Hey, ageists out there. Stop stereotyping. Remember, 60 is the new 40.
For more information on the Mayo Clinic book, go to https://order.store.mayoclinic.com/flex/mmv/AGEHL03/?altkey=AGF0813&utm_source=Email-Book&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Aging-Book&utm_content=AGE-8-13-24
To read the New York Times article on older women comedies, go to https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/28/movies/older-actresses-comedies.html
To follow my personal blog, go to https://www.debelynch.com
