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Think about the last time you stood in front of the mirror. What kinds of thoughts came into your head? Maybe it was something like “I look beautiful today” or “I love the way this shirt makes me look thinner.” If it was, bravo to you. Not many women can look in a mirror and notice their positive attributes. More likely, however, your thoughts sounded like this: “I wish my arms were thinner” or “My hair looks terrible today.”
Many women struggle to think positively about their bodies. I know this firsthand from counseling women; even if it’s not the issue they came to treatment for, invariably it comes up that they have body image issues or low self-esteem. As a result, women can also develop some unhealthy behaviors around food and eating. Even if they’re not enough to be diagnosed as an eating disorder, there are many behaviors that individuals can develop signaling an unhealthy relationship with food.
In our culture, it is normal to talk negatively about our bodies, points out Nicole Keever, a registered dietician from Mid-Atlantic Nutrition in Salunga, PA. We are taught that if we do certain things we are “okay,” for example maintaining a low weight.
Keever’s philosophy is to be “body-honoring” instead of “body-shaming.” What does this mean? We should listen to what our body needs. If we are tired, we should rest. If we are hungry, we should eat. “There is a movement now called body kindness,” Nicole says. “Instead of fighting against what your body is programmed to do, you should embrace it.”
“Women tend to have negative evaluations of their bodies—from getting dressed in the morning to checking in the mirror throughout the day. They are often worried about what other people think of their bodies due to the fear of rejection,” says Kelly Dennis, MS, LPC, a licensed professional counselor with her own practice in Millersville, PA. She specializes in treating adults with eating disorders.
Dennis also notes how society tends to value women who look thin, tall and fit, even though realistically women are curvier and softer. This can feel like a lot of pressure for a woman, especially when her body naturally doesn’t fit this standard.
I often tell clients in the course of counseling that the thoughts they have running through their minds about their bodies should be mostly positive. Our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are connected, so having a mostly negative viewpoint of yourself may cause you, for example, to feel depressed and then behave in a way that perpetuates those thoughts and feelings. Having mostly positive thoughts about yourself may cause you to feel happier and more confident and then behave in a way that is healthier.
So what can you do to change your mindset if you are having mostly negative views of your body image? Here are some tips from the experts:
- “Nurture your body. Take good care of yourself and your body will take care of you,” Keever says. Do what your body needs, not what society thinks it needs. Your body is the expert on itself.
- Tune into your self-talk. Are you being kind or are you trying to control? Both Dennis and Keever suggest looking at your body as your “best friend.” Would you tell your best friend that she can’t eat if she is hungry?
- Think about “body neutrality.” Instead of saying negative things about your body, distract yourself from thinking about it or think about it without a negative judgment. “Eventually, you can move towards thinking more positive thoughts about your body,” Dennis says.
- If you tend to be an emotional eater, before you start eating take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Am I really hungry?” Often, individuals notice they may be eating because some other need is not being met. For example, you feel bored or lonely. Think about how that need could be met in a way besides eating. If you are feeling bored you could call a friend, for instance.
- There is a concept in therapy called “dialectics,” meaning two opposite things can be true at the same time. You can say to yourself, “I don’t like the extra 20 pounds I have gained, but I can still love and accept my body anyway.” Keever calls this “accepting your here-and-now body.”
More resources to see a better body image:
- The film documentary “Embrace” (2016), which follows one woman’s exploration into why women hate their bodies and attempts to find solutions to this global problem.
- The book “Body Kindness: Transform Your Health From the Inside Out and Never Say ‘Diet’ Again” by Rebecca Stritchfield.
- The book “Intuitive Eating” by Resch and Tribole explains the concept of listening to your body and making peace with food.
- If your eating behaviors are more severe and you think you need help from a professional, look up the National Eating Disorder Association (nationaleatingdisorders.org) for more resources.
