Portrait by Tracy Heyman Photography
Welcome to the first installment of Susquehanna Style’s new parenting column, “Family Style.”
As a first-time parent, I, like all parents, want nothing more than for my son to be healthy and happy. I want to encourage his creativity and sense of exploration. But how, and where? The editors and I wanted to find and share ideas, tips and insights from local experts and businesses with the readers—and that’s how the “Family Style” column and its companion blog on the magazine’s website were born. As a native of our region, I care about what’s happening in the Susquehanna Valley, and I’m excited to find great resources and useful information to share with you.
But before we begin exploring ways to be better (and more stylish!) parents here in the Susquehanna Valley, we thought it would make sense for us to get to know each other a bit.
I’ve been a magazine writer since 1996 and a mom since 2009. My husband and I live in Carlisle with our son, Benjamin, and our huge, lazy dog, Cash. I love to cook and eat great food, and I write a lot about it, too. And, coincidentally, I am not at all related to this magazine’s editor-in-chief, even though our last names are the same.
I’m also a full-time journalism professor at Shippensburg University. Like all working moms, I often feel a little stretched thin. On many days, that mythical work-life balance I’ve heard so much about eludes me, but I’m working on it. (Coffee helps.)
Benjamin will turn 2 in May. I’m still a little new at this whole parenting thing, but, as he’s (mostly) healthy, he (mostly) eats, he (mostly) sleeps, and he’s (mostly) happy, I think I’m doing a pretty good job so far. But just when I got used to having a baby, I suddently had a toddler. Between the climbing and the running and the now frequent use of the word “no,” I sometimes miss those early days, but mostly, I’m loving this age. My son is so fun and interactive, and it fascinates me to watch him learn new words and understand more about the world around him.
It’s no secret that your whole life gets turned upside-down when you have a baby, but I felt like ours had gone topsy-turvy even before that. I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome in late 2007. I was 31 at the time, and we—including my doctor—expected a long road ahead. I was prescribed fertility drugs, which made me feel dizzy and gave me terrible headaches. And the mood swings? I’ll just say that my husband is a saint and leave it at that.
I read every book, every website and every magazine article I could get my hands on. I started researching local acupuncturists. I spent literally hundreds of dollars on herbs, teas, a cheap basal thermometer, and an expensive fertility monitor. When it was mistakenly delivered to our neighbors instead, I freaked. Again, my husband? A saint.
After three rounds with no success, my doctors urged us to take a little break and think about our next steps. I was disappointed, but my husband and I decided to take off to Philadelphia for a weekend. We slept in, ate great food, drank great beer and wine, and saw one of our favorite singers perform live. I’d packed my basal thermometer, but I never even took it out of my overnight bag. I realized that I’d been so focused on a baby that had not even been conceived that I was missing the rest of my life. I decided to slow down and let go.
A month later, I found out I was pregnant.
In hindsight, I wish I had been more relaxed about the whole process. I know plenty of couples that have had an even more arduous and painful journey to parenthood than we did, and I count my blessings every single day. But the experience actually taught me a valuable lesson about motherhood: Sometimes you have to relinquish all sense of control and just let go. You can try to plan to be a parent, but let’s face it—no one has any clue what they’re doing until they do it.
In each issue of the magazine, “Family Style” will address parenting issues large and small, serious and fun, from choosing the right childcare provider to planning an unforgettable kids’ birthday bash. The Family Style blog on SusquehannaStyle.com will feature my personal mommy musings, successes, and, inevitably, failures.
We would love to involve you, the readers, too, so please e-mail me at familystyle@susquehannastyle.com with your thoughts, tips and suggestions, or leave comments on the Family Style blog, found on SusquehannaStyle.com.
