We asked two area experts, Lori Hemphill of The Perfect Plan in Lancaster (www.theperfectplanbylh.com) and Susan Moran of "That's It!" Wedding Concepts in Mechanicsburg (www.thatsitweddingconcepts.com) for their MOST HELPFUL TIPS – from day-of details to dealing with diva bridesmaids.
What are your top three cost saving tips?
1. “The biggest cost saving tip is to only invite the amount of people you can afford. Your venue and catering bill is 40 percent of the wedding budget so cutting your count is the first line of attack. If you have a smaller intimate gathering perhaps have a fun “Post Nuptial Gig” at your new home together after the wedding to share the pictures, wear your wedding dress or a more casual one and have hor d’oeuvres, beverages and cake and include those not invited to the wedding. You can also have a destination wedding with just family and have big more casual party afterwards.” Hemphill jokes, “You can also elope!”
2. “Your bar can be limited to beer and wine and a signature drink, it can be closed during dinner hour or be totally non-alcoholic. Proper etiquette is to never have a cash bar. It is your party and your quests should not have to pay for drinks so only serve what you can afford. You can also pick a venue where you can provide your own alcohol.” But she warns, be careful, the rental fee may negate any cost savings.
3. “Have a brunch reception with a coffee bar or if serving drinks just Bloody Mary’s and Mimosas. Or some hotels such as the Marriott at Penn Square will offer a luncheon menu at a lower price such as a petit filet that is less expensive since off the luncheon menu,” she suggests.
Do we have to do this or that?
“Via the internet and television, the wedding industry has exploded out of the bounds of reason. The extreme emphasis on extravagance and excess has resulted in a set of contrived standards that has left many couples confused and frustrated,” says Moran of “That’s It!” Wedding Concepts.
She continues, “Your wedding should be a meaningful and creative vision of who each one of you are as individuals and who you are and hope to be as a couple. ‘Have to’s’ should be non-existent (with the exception of obtaining your marriage license!). ‘Want to’s’ should be your focus. To keep things totally realistic, follow your budget...one that you set together.” Moran adds, “Eliminating the stress in the process of designing your wedding is key...having fun with the process is what matters! Within this framework and mindset, you will clearly be able to have your wedding, your way!"
How to make your day personal
“For starters think of what you and your fiance like to do as hobbies, travel, careers or fun. Perhaps it is just a season you love or the ambiance of a night club, fun lighting and dance party or rural beauty, mason jars and hayrides. Try to plan the basic feel and tone of the wedding together then all the details can follow the basic theme,” suggest Hemphill.
Tips for selecting details in an overwhelming world of options
“Word to the wise...more isn’t better. In today’s world the wedding industry, publications and internet are full of wonderful ideas and details, but you can’t have it all,” says Hemphill. “Narrow them down to the tone and feel of your event and only use those that make sense to that ambiance. If you have several that you just ‘must have’ separate those different details between the rehearsal dinner, cocktail hour, and something different at the reception or day after brunch.
How to make your wedding day different
“Think outside the box,” says Hemphill. Some ideas she suggests: “See your groom before the wedding at a special location and capture that moment. You can have all your pictures taken ahead of time and enjoy the cocktail hour too. Dance early and between the courses instead of waiting until after the cake and guests are bored and starting to leave. At cocktail hour, hire a magician, palm reader, hand writing analyst, or caricaturist! Desserts can be a sea of goodies, candy bar, s’mores over a fire, hand held baked Alaskas on a stick or an ice cream truck!” She adds, “The wedding world is your oyster!”
Your wedding should be a meaningful and creative vision of who each of you are as individuals and who you hope to be as a couple.
Etiquette from the experts
“Let’s face it, no one’s family or friends are perfect, and somewhere along the way in planning your wedding, there will be people that bring drama into this already stressful time in your life. They are usually the people closest to you that believe they are just trying to help or are wanting to share their opinions or dreams for your big day,” says Moran.
How do you avoid or deal with upset bridesmaids?
"Whenever emotions are high, as they clearly are during the planning and production of weddings, interpersonal ‘flare-ups’ often happen,” cautions Moran. “As you begin the selection process for your attendants, bear in mind the personalities with which you’ll be dealing. Take note of the established divas, existing conflict between prospective maids, and any other known emotional red flags as you make these choices.”
“An indisputable fact is that everyone has a gift to give...a talent to offer...something unique and special to contribute. Identify this in each of your attendants and make certain that they know how much individual value you place on your relationship with them and how much you need and want their involvement in your wedding. Knowing that they have a special role in the festivities should lessen the potential of conflict,” explains Moran. She even suggests creatively conveying your appreciation in the way you ask them to be a part of your “team.”
Determining your choice of bridesmaids’ attire must be made in a thoughtful manner with respect to the ‘comfort zones’ of all concerned... body type, weight issues, tattoos, etc. Since too many opinions tend to be counterproductive, an option is to decide on your color scheme and offer a selection of style possibilities (shoes and dresses) with which you’ll be content. This will take research on your part, but will be more than worth it in the end,” assures Moran.
Proper etiquette dictates a certain order in the seating during both the ceremony and the reception and takes away potential hurt
“Even with all of these precautions in place, if and when problems do arise, directly addressing the issue with a cool head trumps avoiding it or simply hoping it will go away. Should this approach be unsuccessful, consider enlisting someone who is objective to intervene. Stressing the need for everyone to do their part to make this a happy occasion may be enough. There are cases, however, where the only solution is to offer the troublemaker an ultimatum,” says Moran. “Remember...no one...repeat... no one...should have the power to steal your joy at this moment in your life!"
How to handle divorced parents?
"In today’s world, divorce is a fact of life in many families. Emotions can and do run high, are often raw and must be taken into consideration as the wedding is planned. Knowing family dynamics early in the planning process is invaluable and truly necessary,” says Moran.
“It must be emphasized that the primary focus be on the happiness of the bride and groom and that all concerned are expected to collectively celebrate the joy and happiness of the union of their children,” Moran states.
She continues, “Everyone’s sensitivities and needs, however, must be factored into the equation. The most successful way to accomplish this,” she suggests, “is to underscore how important it is that each parent and step-parent feel respected and valued in the unique place(s) they hold in the lives of their children.”
“Utilizing appropriate etiquette in the wording of the invitation is an extremely effective manner in which to set this tone. Creating meaningful representation or participation in the ceremony, i.e. a special reference in the ceremony program book, selected readings, unity candle lighting or even including favorite music, often soothes delicate feelings” recommends Moran.
“Also, proper etiquette dictates a certain order in the seating during both the ceremony and the reception and employing these guidelines takes away potential hurt resulting from any hint of subjective choice," she adds.
How to give out of town guests as much of your attention as possible (or at least make them feel that way)
“It is so nice to do a little something for your out of town guests that have traveled to come and celebrate your wedding day,” says Hemphill. “Very popular is the ‘Hotel Bag’ full of little goodies that they receive at their hotel. It can be filled with local favorites, such as pretzels, mustard, whoopie pies, bottled water, maps and an information sheet of the weekend’s festivities. It can be in a monogrammed bag, or little box and a thank you note attached in your wedding colors.”
"A 'Welcome Party' after the rehearsal dinner for guests arriving that evening is a great way for them to have a place to meet also. It can be at the community or hospitality room or by the pool in the blocked hotel most folks are staying in with light snacks and beverages or if not too large a group they can be invited to the rehearsal dinner party," adds Hemphill.
