Are you familiar with love languages and how they can impact your close relationships? If you’re not, hear me out. Knowing what love language you are and which your partner, children, and friends identify with can change everything about your relationships - for the better. Love languages allow you to know how you can provide your loved ones with the affection they need in a way that they appreciate.
Sharing and showing love according to someone’s love language enhances your relationship with them and gives you the chance to make them feel seen and heard. Intentional, significant connections don’t have to be super time consuming or expensive, but they should be super meaningful. I encourage you to start with discovering your own love language and then encouraging others around you to do the same.
The Importance of Communication and Being Intentional
Communication is a foundational component of any relationship. Whether it’s with yourself, your kids, your partner, or someone else, communicating and being intentional about how you nurture that relationship is important. Clear words, body language, and tone of voice all contribute to how and what you’re communicating.
Beyond the obvious ways to communicate, we can also learn to communicate through our daily actions, how we choose to spend our time, and how you celebrate with gifts, affection, and affirmations.
So how can you be more intentional about communicating? Take notice of how your partner, child, or friend behaves and responds to life. What is it that makes them feel happy, special, or appreciated? Ask yourself how you can best engage in that relationship in the most intentional way, to maximize the connection being created. Pay attention to what touches that person’s heart and what truly brings them joy.
Sharing (and Showing) the Love
One of the deepest human needs is the need to feel loved and appreciated. A simple gesture that says I love you, thank you, or you’re special to me can completely change someone’s day - or year. Saying those things is one thing, but telling them in a way that resonates with the person you’re sharing it with can be a whole other story.
If you’re not familiar with your love language, I suggest you take the quiz to find out yours today (in The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman). There are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each love language offers ways to say and show you love someone, whether it’s your partner, your children, or a friend.
Your love language says a lot about you, from how you communicate to what you value. Knowing your love language is the first step in understanding how others can love and encourage you.
And knowing your loved ones’ love languages is also key. You may live with or deeply care about someone who has a different love language than you. It can be challenging to celebrate and love them in the ways they need, but it’s important to try to see the world from your loved one’s perspective if you want to support them in the best way possible.
What are the five love languages, and can you show love in each way? We’re breaking down each and giving examples of Valentine’s Day “gifts” you may want to try for your loved ones this year (and every day).
Words of Affirmation
There is tremendous power in verbally affirming your partner, children, and other special people. People whose love language is words of affirmation seek to hear encouraging and kind words. They view love as a request, not a demand. This means that they want to hear reinforcing love from you without having to ask for it. If this type of communication is uncomfortable for you, you can start with indirect words of affirmation such as praise in public when that person is not present or practice giving compliments and support through handwritten notes.
Ideas for Valentine’s Day: I’m a sucker for a handwritten letter or thoughtful card. I save them and read them at least once a year to remind myself of the meaningful moments I’ve been so lucky to experience. Try writing a special, handwritten card for your loved one this holiday.
Quality Time
Quality time really boils down to giving someone your undivided attention. Giving of your time is a powerful way to communicate your love and show that person that they are important and a priority to you. Don’t confuse spending quality time together with living in close proximity. You can be in the same house at the same time and not actually be together. Make time to enjoy one another’s company and plan special “us” time. Participate in quality conversations by listening, making eye contact, giving them your undivided attention, and not interrupting.
Ideas for Valentine’s Day: Think of an experience you can enjoy together. Ideally, this activity should be in an environment that fosters the opportunity to connect in conversation and focus on one other. Try planning an intimate date night or creating your own at home special evening together. This intentional time together matters way more than the actual activity chosen.
Receiving Gifts
The giving of gifts connected with love and marriage is part of almost every culture. This may be the most obvious way to show love for those unfamiliar with love languages, but many individuals resonate best with physical gifts as a way of feeling the love.
For those who love receiving gifts, remember that it’s the thought that counts vs the cost of the gift. Gifts can be found, purchased, or made and don’t need a special occasion to be given. The gifts don’t need to be expensive or given every week. The gift of being there in a time of need is essential to those whose primary love language is receiving gifts.
Ideas for Valentine’s Day: For Valentine’s Day, gifts including chocolates, perfume and flowers are a great way to show love for these individuals. Keep in mind what the recipient of the gift would be most touched by.
Acts of Service
Acts of service are just that: actions. These include doing something you know your partner, friend, or family member would like you to do. Acts can be anything from cooking or cleaning to caring for the kids, paying the bills or walking the dog. These acts require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy but can be free. In fact, thoughtful acts of service can actually be much more meaningful without money involved. They should be done willingly and with a positive attitude to be best received as a great expression of love.
Ideas for Valentine’s Day: Think about what acts would mean the most to the person you’re doing them for. What support do they most need or desire right now? Doing the laundry, preparing a meal, or other small surprises that they may not want to do or have time for can mean a lot.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is an obvious way to communicate love. Sitting close to someone, holding their hand, or playfully roughhousing with your kids are all ways to show physical touch. This love is most important to show in times of crisis. Hugging and nonverbal communication can say a lot when words can’t.
Ideas for Valentine’s Day: Physical touch gifts can include a massage, mani/pedi, holding hands with your loved one intentionally, or cuddling your children extra while watching a movie together.
Using Love Languages Beyond Valentine’s Day
It’s important to remember that many of these gifts can be given any day of the year. It’s important to show your loved ones how much they mean to you - on holidays and those not so exciting days, too. Start by paying attention to your loved ones’ needs or desires and begin to love them in ways that support them most.
Everyday can be celebrated in small yet meaningful ways. It’s not about the size or cost of the gift but the love and meaning behind it. Try creating habits that reinforce ways you can show love to those around you. As one of my favorite quotes says, “living in the moment could be the meaning of life.” I encourage you to fully embrace and experience each moment of every day the very best you can.
Holly Mann
Holly Mann
Personal Success Coach
Founder of Fresh Habits: freshhabits.net
I am on a mission to facilitate meaningful conversations that encourage individuals to upgrade and expand their habits and routines which will ultimately allow them to live life at their fullest potential!
