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Two years ago, I piloted the new minivan down Route 30, my skin pink with sunburn and head with abundant new memories. We spent four days on the Jersey Shore, and I reflected on how important it was for my wife, Alison, and I to provide for our two sons experiences like long weekends at the beach. Our children received days of boardwalks, amusement parks, ice cream, and waves of water.
Then I looked into the rearview mirror at my 2-year-old son. His eyes met mine, and we exchanged smiles of father-son affection, before he promptly vomited. All over his clothes and car seat. I had no idea he even ate enough to necessitate so much regurgitation.
Sigh. Vacations with children.
They say parenting is like a full-time job, and they’re right. But a full-time job comes with a few weeks of paid vacation. Go away, forget about work, come back refreshed. But when you’re a parent, the full-time-job duties don’t stop once you’ve packed the minivan, paid the highway toll, and you’re jamming down the highway toward a beach house or mountain cabin.
Sleep in on vacation? Ha! Kids wake up before the sun. Also, kids don’t easily sleep in a new bed. Those hotel amenities like a tranquil swimming pool? They become stress-inducing safety hazards for your toddler, not a refreshing place for a dip. Pre-kids, you could get up, go to breakfast, put on a bathing suit, and head down to the beach for the day. Those. Were. The. Days. Now? Mornings sound like this: “The kids need to be dressed.” “Where are the ear plugs?” “He doesn’t need ear plugs.” “Yes he does, the doctor said so.” “Did you remember to pack the towels?” “I thought you were going to pack the towels?” “I need you to put the suntan lotion on the kids.” “I’m making lunch so I can’t right now.” “Do not run outside without your clothes on!” “Did you get SPF 35? We need SPF Steel Curtain.” “Where are the towels?!”
And the worst is when children get sick while on vacation. Once in Sedona, Arizona, our firstborn developed croup bad enough to warrant a doctor’s prescription, and the side effects included a rampaging child so hyped I thought for sure he’d turn our room into a Led Zeppelin-1971-type disaster for the hotel cleaning staff.
Still, vacations remain a vital part of anyone’s parenting experience, whether you plan to splurge for a week at a Disney resort or sleep in a tent covered in bug repellent next to a lake. Just because you now have to manage children as if you oversaw the maintenance, logistics and entertainment departments for a cruise ship, that doesn’t mean you should avoid going.
It’s just that with kids the term “vacation” becomes redefined, like everything else in your life. What you do and where you go, it’s about them and the experience they will have. It’s not about you anymore.
When our oldest was 17 months old, we took him to Ocean City, NJ, and when we set him down on the sand at low tide, he found small tidal pools in which to splash. Then he looked up at the horizon. He saw the biggest tidal pool of all, the ocean. His eyes grew wide and he ran as fast as his little legs could, and then spent the next hour dodging little waves and kicking the water. He’s loved the ocean ever since.
You get to be the tour guide for a captivated audience of children eager to be impressed, entertained, and delighted. Teach them to fish, the joy of amusement park rides, to body surf, the taste of mint-and-chocolate soft serve ice cream, to construct a sandcastle... That’s where your vacation reward will now be found, not in what the vacation provides you, but what you provide your children on vacation.
Just know that with all things involving human endeavors, including and especially parenting on vacation, nothing is perfect. You’ll make mistakes. The unexpected can happen. Flights get delayed; food service can be slow; it will rain when you don’t want it to; kids get carsick and throw up; a fraternity will rent the condo upstairs from you during Senior Week.
The kids look to you for leadership when things go wrong, especially on vacation, so show them how to best get through.
Perspective, as I’ve come to learn, can also be a wonderful thing when vacations veer off track and become more stressful than life back at home. Mistakes, bad luck…these things are temporary. All we can do as parents is accept responsibility for what’s in our control, including our frame of mind, endure as best we can what’s not in our control, and most importantly, remember how our priorities are second to the moments of extraordinary wonderment we’re providing our children.
