In honor of Mother's Day this month, meet a Good Neighbor, Abby Ellis, a Lancaster mom of four. She’s a speech language pathologist and feeding specialist at Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic. There she helps other moms who find out as early as 20 weeks that their baby has the cleft palate condition. “A mom’s first instinct is to feed their baby,” Ellis says, “But with a cleft palate, they can’t nurse or even take a [standard] bottle.” That’s where Ellis and the team at Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic come in and form a plan. “When they leave us, they’re not stressed, but empowered.” They come to one place to meet all the different goals for the child: “It’s pretty awesome,” Ellis says, “an amazing feeling.” Learn more about Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic at www.cleftclinic.org.
1. Hometown: Warren, New Jersey
2. Tell us about your family:
My husband and I are celebrating our 20th anniversary this October! We have four amazing kids, each with their own unique personalities. Katie is our beautiful, intelligent and sensitive 18 year old with a smile that brightens any room she walks into. Ben is our adventuresome, outgoing 16 year old. Jack is our relational, soft-hearted and funny 13 year old. You can typically find Jack working alongside his dad, hanging out with his brother or blaring his music throughout the house. It’s never quiet when Jack’s around! Emily is our joyful, sociable 11 year old with a sweet and funny spirit–always ready to start a game and get the party going! And our family would not be complete without our sweet and adorable Australian Labradoodle, Ellie, and our very personable and affectionate lop-eared bunny, Checkers.
3. As a mom of four, you've probably seen it all. What's your best advice for other moms?
Motherhood is not for the faint of heart! Sometimes things happen in spite of the safeguards that you set up. The best way to know what’s truly happening in the lives of our children is to spend time getting to know them as individuals. Each child has a unique personality and their own love language. While one child responds to acts of service, another child feels loved when you spend quality time with them. It's important to find out what they respond best to. It won't mean anything to your child if you aren’t speaking their love language.
Another thing to know is that when trouble comes, there is always someone going through the same things as you and your family. There are resources out there for just about every situation. While your intuition has made you aware of a problem, it’s important to take the time to research what's available and get help. It takes a village to raise a family.
4. You spend so much time taking care of others in your career and personal life. What do you do to take care of you?
I joined Mary Kay 17 years ago and learned about keeping priorities straight. If you live your life by putting God first, family second and your career third, you will have a strong foundation and a happier household. It’s total chaos when your priorities are shifted or neglected. I have to make a continuous effort to keep my priorities in order. It's so easy to overextend yourself, thinking we can fit everything into our day. Unfortunately, it’s the family that suffers because we always maintain our fun-loving, happy persona for everyone but the family. I also try to make time in my life for getting together with friends that are a positive influence in my life. Sometimes this may be over a cup of coffee, a lunch, and at least once a year, a moms-only weekend or even a week away! I think it makes us better moms and wives!
5. Where's your favorite spot to be at home?
During the winter months, I love cozying up in my chair next to the fire. I’m either engrossed in a good book or watching a series on Netflix or Amazon. When my family and I found the Heartland series, we couldn't stop watching the episodes. When I’m not sitting by the fire, you’ll find me cooking up a gourmet feast in the kitchen. Nothing makes me happier than having good friends gathered around our table sharing a meal.
6. Where was the best vacation you ever took?
There have been so many incredible family vacations, and each one is special for different reasons. Our yearly trek to Lake George, New York, with my husband’s side of the family every summer has been a time-honored tradition in their family for over 40 years!
Some have likened us to the Griswolds with our family piled into our big nine-passenger van equipped with six captain's chairs to alleviate hearing “She/he’s touching me!” We typically pull our motor boat piled high with four kayaks, skis, wake boards, coolers, linens, beach bags, etc. To balance this out, my husband loads the bike hitch on the front. I’d say we certainly know how to pack in the fun! When we reach our destination, we leave our electronics and fully enjoy being on and in the water, biking, hiking, sharing home cooked meals and playing games with the entire family. Our kids have many memories to share—the good, the bad and the hilarious!
7. What is your favorite book?
I absolutely love to read; I have a very eclectic taste in books, varying from Karen Kingsbury to James Patterson, with a nice array of parenting books and, of course, cookbooks. Can never have enough cookbooks! I just finished reading a powerful semi-fiction narrative, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict by The Arbinger Institute, that is an instructional manual for obtaining peace at home, in the workplace and throughout our lives.
8. Best movie of all time?
I guess I'm just as much a movie lover as I am a reader. My top favorites are: The Ultimate Gift, Sweet Home Alabama, Serendipity, the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, The Blind Side and The Notebook. The Notebook is bittersweet... it hits home, as my family has watched my father continue to devote his entire life to my mother, who has succumbed to the ravages of Alzheimer’s. Love truly does endure all!
9. Most challenging part of your job?
I believe the most challenging part of being a feeding specialist at Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic is to remember my boundaries. I am one of the first people a couple meets after finding out that their baby will have a cleft lip and/or palate. The emotions they are experiencing are across the spectrum. At that first consultation, the goal is to educate and empower these parents so they feel that they can care for their baby. It’s hard when some moms come in to see us, and they are alone with little support or lack the means to care for their baby. I have to remember that we have a wonderful social worker who is trained to handle the emotional components with our patients and their families.
10. Most rewarding part of your job?
The clinic has been around since 1938 and to this day, its sole focus is on the child. As the feeding specialist and team coordinator, I get to meet most of our families after their 20-week ultrasound that diagnosed the cleft. When a mother’s natural instinct is to feed her baby and a cleft has made that task daunting, I get to educate them and provide them with the specialty bottle that will make all that possible again.
11. Your best mom moment ever?
When I was on bed rest for eight weeks following a surgery, my phenomenal husband broke his own rule and bought a large screen TV and had it set up on our dresser in the bedroom. One night my kids all climbed into bed with me and we watched all our favorite Christmas shows…that was a perfect night.
12. What's your funniest #mommyfail?
We have a sub sale for our school every fall, and I'm always with the first shift that starts at 5 a.m. It's a very long but fun day. But by about 3 p.m., the smell of onions permeates and renders one’s brain useless! I grabbed our box of subs to make our deliveries when my phone rang. Then it hit me...I forgot my second grade son at the church! What a horrible feeling that was!
13. Fondest memory of your own mom?
My mom and I had the opportunity to travel cross-country together in a Winnebago for a couple of weeks at a time for two to three summers when college let out in May. There was a whole lot of time together, and I know there were times that she would have liked to have left me in a National Forest, but she never did. We would spend hours talking about her life growing up, boys, cooking, marriage and everything else. We laughed so much and had some good cries too. My mom has been battling Alzheimer’s for the last 10 years, and I am so extremely grateful for that special time when I had her all to myself. I hope that I can have that time with each of my children before they grow up.
