My older brother Jason taught me everything I know about patience, compassion, and gratitude. Jason was born blind, intellectually disabled, and autistic. If you ask him if he would want to change any of that, he would say no. When strangers see his cane and ask if they can pray for him, he politely declines, telling them that he is happy just the way he is. It’s humbling to be around someone who is limited in what they can do in everyday life, yet has no complaints. It makes everything I complain about seem like the smallest problem in the world.
Beyond my daily lessons in gratitude, I’ve also grown in many other ways because of Jason. When I was 13, he and I were living with our mom in Louisiana. I have seven siblings besides Jason, but they were all old enough that they had grown up and moved out by then, so it was just the three of us. Our mom had been an alcoholic for many years, so my dad and sisters, who were living in Pennsylvania, were worried about me and Jason. They worked with Child Protective Services to try and remove us from that situation. On the day that the social workers came to remove me from the house, I remember wondering why Jason couldn’t come with me. They said that because he was technically an adult, it was his decision to leave or stay, and not understanding the depth of the situation, he chose to stay.
Since that day, I had always kept in touch with Jason even though we lived in different states and I didn’t have a relationship with our mom. I knew her drinking was getting worse and it was time for Jason to live in a safe place. I did exactly what my older sisters did for me, and I got in touch with social workers who would eventually remove him from her custody.
When I woke up on May 8, 2018, I had no idea how much that day would change me. I went about my usual morning routine and came to work, where I later got a phone call from Jason’s social worker. She said that my mom fell and hit her head that morning because of her drinking and was now in the hospital, and that I had to come get Jason or else he would be taken into the county’s custody.
Once I learned what had happened, I made dozens of phone calls. My first call was to Jason. I wanted to see if he was okay. I was remembering the day that I was also taken from our mom, and what a difficult time that was. He seemed to understand the situation and was doing okay. Next I called my sisters, aunts, and uncles, and told them what was going on. Within a few days Jason came up to Pennsylvania, and I immediately became responsible for his life. I got him set up with all the funding and assistance required for someone with autism and disabilities, found a group home for him to live in, and took him to many appointments. For months I carried around a folder of all his important documents, just in case one of the many doctors or social workers called me about his case. Eventually I got comfortable in my role as his guardian, and it wasn’t until then that I realized how much that situation had changed me. I have never been responsible for someone other than myself, let alone someone who has so many needs that they cannot meet themselves.
What I also didn’t know when Jason moved to Pennsylvania was that his stay would be temporary. He had lived here for a full year, and although I worked tirelessly I was still unable to find him a job. He missed his life with our mom, and most importantly he missed working. Around this time, our mom was celebrating her first year of sobriety. She came up for a visit, and it was obvious that she was finally clean and healthy. After many family discussions, we decided that if Jason wanted to move back in with her in North Carolina, it would be safe for him. We gave him the option, and after giving it some thought he chose to live with her, which we all agreed was a good decision. He is now working and volunteering, learning how to help our mom around the house, and finding many other ways to stay busy. Even though he’s only been there a few months, he has grown so much and is really happy.
While I attribute much of my growth in the last year to my brother Jason, I also couldn’t have done any of it without my sisters. If you have siblings, you’re lucky to share your journey with someone who is connected to you for life. Recognize the ways that your siblings have changed your life, and how you’ve changed theirs. Give thanks for having someone to share your life with, whether it’s a sibling, a spouse, a child, or anyone who has shaped your growth.
See more stories like this live in person at Lancaster Story Slam the fourth Tuesday of each month at Zoetropolis. In York, Story Slam takes place third Tuesdays at Holy Hound Taproom. Visit lancasterstoryslam.com or yorkstoryslam.com for more info.
