When it comes to setting and accomplishing goals, it can be much more challenging to find success than one would think it should be. So much more goes into the process than just setting your mind to something and checking it off your list.
How can it be so hard to actually accomplish the task at hand? Too often, our targets are created in a way that sets us up for failure, without even knowing it. How? When we focus on the end result we are working towards, we completely ignore the core feelings we are actually seeking once the goal is accomplished.
The desires or feelings you want to experience as a result of accomplishing a goal is just as important as the actual outcome - but many people seem to overlook this part. Rather, they focus more on what they think they should accomplish instead of what feelings they are seeking. Get organized. Complete a certification. Read a book. Lose weight. Join a gym. The list goes on. But when you start flipping the narrative on how to set goals in a way that feels good, you can unlock a whole new approach that really caters to the desires of your heart.
Acknowledging Your Feelings
While this may be a new approach to goal setting for you, focusing on the feelings you’re actually looking for instead of a black and white objective to check off of a list of accomplishments can completely change your outlook on goals.
What core feelings do you most desire to feel each day? What experiences do you most crave to experience? What ideas really get you excited about living life? Let your answers be easy, fun, and authentically you.
I’ll share with you my personal core desired feelings. After re-examining my outdated way of setting goals, I’ve learned that I want to feel joyful, fulfilled, relaxed, youthful, empowered, curious, abundant, and generous. If I lead with these core desired feelings, I can now be intentional about setting up my days to be filled with habits, routines, and experiences that allow me to feel these most desired feelings!
Most of us are uncomfortable talking about desires. It can feel selfish and irresponsible. We focus more on what we think we should accomplish, more than what we truly want to experience.
What we don’t realize is that oftentimes it’s not the specific goal that lights us up. We are searching for an actual feeling when we set a goal. It’s not the goal that drives us but the feeling we are seeking. Once we realize this, goal setting and working towards these aims feels completely different.
How To Feel The Way You Want To Feel
When you’re setting goals and working towards them from your core desires, you can do less and accomplish more. How? By having more fun in the process and being in the flow of what feels easy and what feels fun. Once you start pairing your core desired feelings with supportive systems, you reach that level of success you’re seeking through experiences and processes, not just a singular end goal that happens sometime in the future.
It’s important to find supportive systems that allow you to feel the way you want to feel. It’s the same approach as keeping your house organized or paying your bills on time. They involve systems to support your desired goals and the feelings you wish to seek in the process. Create an easy system that reinforces your desired feelings and needs on a consistent and regular basis.
When you don’t take this approach, desired results can simply feel like one more burden. If you have a lack of excitement around the goal to begin with, this will surely end your commitment to it early. A personal reminder I give myself daily… Let it be easy. Let it be fun. Be in flow and let go of force.
Assessing Your Goals
Another important aspect of setting goals is assessing them frequently. Some people set targets and stick with them until they’re achieved, no matter the cost. I know this behavior all too well! I’m known to be committed, determined, and someone who will get the job done.
Unfortunately, this has allowed me to spend tons of time doing too many things I didn’t really even want to be doing! It’s a healthy practice to assess your goals after you’ve set them and ask yourself if it was the right one for you in the first place. Were you really excited about the goal, or did it feel like a natural next step you had to accomplish? It is okay to start towards one and tweak or adjust as necessary.
There will always be some sort of resistance in your life when trying to create change. Knowing this resistance is bound to come up and returning to those core desired feelings is an easy way to remind yourself why you’re working towards the intent in the first place.
I encourage you to be honest with yourself about what you truly desire in life. Make the tweaks you may need to make. Adjust as many times as necessary and be willing to let go of previously set goals that no longer spark joy. I love utilizing a vision board for this process - visually reminding myself of where I want to go, the desires I want to experience, what I want to feel, and why I started in the first place.
Setting Goals That Align With Your Feelings
Now that you have a new perspective on setting goals, putting it in place may still seem challenging. What can that look like exactly? How can this be easy? How can this be fun? I recommend trying a different set up and approach.
Here are some ideas and examples you may want to try exploring in different areas of life.
Exercise
If exercise feels like an overwhelming chore and the goal you’re reaching for doesn't feel fulfilling to you or reasonable for your lifestyle, try rethinking it altogether.
Typical goal: I need to join the gym and get in shape.
Core desired feeling: I want to feel healthy, vibrant, youthful, strong and/or empowered.
Get rid of the goal, focus on the feeling. Get out of the gym if that doesn’t feel like a place you enjoy going and avoid traditional sets and reps. Instead, try rock climbing, swimming, trail hikes, or dance classes. Find something you love and that makes you feel the way you want to feel.
This new intent and system you follow can support your exercise and fitness goals without feeling like a burden. Finding a rhythm and routine that you enjoy to get you started is a great foundation to build on.
Reduce stress/relaxation
When life feels stressful, find ways to unwind that actually take a load off of your plate - not add to it.
Typical goal: I need to work less and find more “me time”.
Core desired feeling: I want to feel creative, at peace, connected, fulfilled, inspired.
Explore possible ways to de-stress that inspire you, bring you happiness, or take your mind off of overwhelming aspects of life. These could include knitting, painting, learning a new instrument, reading, signing up for a retreat, or reconnecting with an old hobby.
Obviously, meditation and journaling are 2 of my favorites, however these can feel like another chore on the to-do list for many at the beginning of their relaxation journey. Connecting with an activity you feel naturally drawn to is an easy way to begin to de-stress and relax.
Nutrition
Nutrition is a huge component to everyone’s lives and can be a sore subject for many people.
Typical goal: I need to eat better and lose weight.
Core desired feeling: I want to feel satisfied, healthy, strong, energetic, confident in my skin.
If you struggle with nutrition objectives and your relationship with food, try exploring food through a new filter. Sign up for a cooking class to learn new skills, enroll in a food magazine subscription to find inspiration, or create a dinner club with friends and family to explore healthy meal options together.
Your objectives surrounding food can be whatever you make them. Search for the feeling you’re seeking and create a system that supports you, rather than focusing only on the specific outcome of weight loss.
Relationships
Relationships are an area of life that many people forget they can set goals for and work on.
Typical goal: I need to spend more time with my family and/or friends.
Core desired feeling: I want to feel connected, supported, safe, authentic.
While relationships take effort, they don’t have to feel like a responsibility you dread. Approach relationships again seeking desired feelings. You may reprioritize your relationship goals by pairing it with your fitness and relaxation goals by creating a walk and talk group with friends, meeting up with new connections regularly, challenging yourself to join a new group, or planning an evening with your favorite people to create vision boards that support your individual goals.
Finances
If you’re stressed around money, it can be a hard subject to address.
Typical goal: I need to pay off my debt and save more money.
Core desired feeling: I want to feel abundant, generous, free, safe, empowered.
Instead of creating a budget which can feel restricting, try creating an accumulation or savings strategy. Focus on the amount of money you’d like to accumulate and be clear on what that money is for.
Whether your current financial priorities are retirement, paydown debt, finance an education, plan a vacation, buy a new home, focusing on accumulation vs restriction can be a simple way to change the lens in which you see your money through. Have a weekly date with your money. Look at it. Be grateful for what you do have while working on accumulating what you desire.
Putting It Into Practice
I encourage you to try this approach to goal setting in this next season of your life, assessing areas that need some work and being honest with yourself about what you’re seeking from those aspects of your life.
Focus on feelings, remember that it’s okay to adjust along the way, and get in a rhythm that feels natural and effortless to your life. When you put yourself in situations where you feel the way they want to feel, it is amazing the ideas and experiences you come up with to create a life you truly love.
Holly Mann
Holly Mann
Personal Success Coach
Founder of Fresh Habits: freshhabits.net
I am on a mission to facilitate meaningful conversations that encourage individuals to upgrade and expand their habits and routines which will ultimately allow them to live life at their fullest potential!
