In a culture where everyone wants to be slender, it can be hard to identify an eating disorder. For Julie Mathers, the feedback she got from friends confused her. For every two expressing concern about her weight, another would compliment her appearance.
At the time, she was in denial about the mental illness that had pared her down to eighty-five pounds. She rejected their concerns, locked in a thirteen-year-long struggle that began in college during an abusive relationship. “My eating disorder had nothing to do with food,” Mathers explains. “You can’t manipulate people or jobs or emotions, but you can manipulate how much you put in or take out of your body. It’s 100 percent about control.”
Regulating what she ate became a full-time job for Mathers. She’d lost touch with and mistrusted her body’s hunger cues. On vacations, eating options were so broad it felt threatening. “My eating disorder consumed 98 percent of my thought life,” she recalls. “I couldn’t be present with my family.”
A Temporary Fix
The fact that she has a family is an achievement. Since most women with eating disorders no longer menstruate, and pregnancy causes major body changes, infertility and issues surrounding pregnancy are common. Yet, in 2007, Mathers was able to suspend her eating disorder temporarily to have children.
Marie Acebo of Lancaster General Health says, “Julie was horribly ill, and it was very clear that’s what caused her infertility in the first place. Having children gave her a purpose to gain weight. She was able to regain weight and carry healthy pregnancies with a dietician's supervision, but as soon as she had those babies, she started restricting again.”
In 2013 Mathers’ previous dietician, feeling out of her league, recommended an inpatient treatment center in Hershey. “But by that time,” remembers Mathers, “I had a two-year-old son, and twins and a full-time job. So that wasn’t going to happen.” By then she realized she struggled with not being good enough. Not good enough to eat, not good enough for healthy relationships, not good enough to slow down and enjoy life. Eventually, she admitted she needed help.
Coming out about her mental illness took everything Mathers had “and then some. There is so much shame surrounding an eating disorder. Nobody talks about it. I felt like a bad person, but it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t ask for this.” Mathers’ parents, shocked and upset, didn’t want her to share her story. But support from her husband and sister, as well as from friends and medical professionals, gives her the courage to reach out.
A Unique Lineup
Mathers gathered her own outpatient team, which she likens to scraping the earth. “If I wanted liposuction, there are a million places I could go, but for an eating disorder, there’s hardly anything locally. So I went online.” Mathers met weekly with a therapist, a new dietician (Marie Acebo), and a free mentor via Skype. She attended online and phone sessions with Eating Disorders Anonymous (she later started a chapter in Lancaster), read lots of books, submitted to regular weight checks, and blogged about her eating disorder to keep herself accountable.
Acebo says, “It’s been a slow, slow process, but Julie surrounded herself with people who would help her work through it. She didn’t go more than a day or two without contacting somebody to just keep her going.”
Part of Mathers’ journey involved reconnecting with yoga. At one point a yoga studio told her she didn’t weigh enough to practice. Today she co-owns two studios. “Yoga is the only form of exercise that helps you be completely connected with your physical body,” she explains, “and the only way to recover is to have a brand new relationship with your body.”
She integrates her story into her studio, Evolution Power Yoga. Last year’s “Love Your Selfie (no edits)” workshop will be followed by an “Embrace Your Full Self” class, with “full” being the operative word. To Mathers, and to others “living lives of starving and suffering,” being full feels scary. The class offers ways to heal an unhealthy relationship with food.
Good…or Bad?
Mathers dislikes “I’m being good” statements or “good food, bad food” perceptions. “All food is neutral,” she asserts. “You’re not a good person based on what you eat. You could be a pedophile and have a salad for lunch.”
She worries that her children might develop an eating disorder, so she tries to model healthy patterns and moderation: “Staying healthy involves donuts and cakes just as much as apples and oranges. And if we go to Rita’s, I can have a Rita’s with them.”
Acebo comments, “As a dietician, I believe you can be free from the fear of eating; I’ve seen it happen time and again. Julie believes in full recovery and is relentless in her pursuit of it.” For Mathers, it’s about being more than just someone with an eating disorder. It’s about a whole new life.
Watch for These Signs:
Eating disorders cause issues with daily meals. This may take the form of under- or over-eating, and can be concurrent with obesity. There may also be an overly strong concern with weight or body shape.
A sudden restriction of eating categories: no meat, no carbs, no dairy, or fasting
Avoidance of food situations (such as eating out) or not eating in the presence of other people/feeling very uncomfortable in those situations
Obsessing over health, such as rigorous exercise
Trips to the bathroom right after eating regularly, especially after large portions
Frequent weighing and denial of low weight
Light-headedness/blacking out
Unusual or unrelieved fatigue
Distorted body image
In females, not having a menstrual cycle
Sudden weight loss without a cause (e.g., flu), especially with young children
In children/teens, not growing on the growth chart as expected, or food refusal
Being cold (look for extra layers of clothing to keep warm or to disguise thinness)
Sore throat/chronic inflammation of throat
Hair loss on scalp/growth of a fine hair layer on rest of body
Changes in bowel activity
Frequent use of laxatives, diuretics or vomit-inducing meds
Confusion/slow thinking
The Dangerous Consequences of Eating Disorders
Eating disorders affect every area of the body, from the heart and other organs to the skin and hair. They can lead to serious and even fatal consequences, such as kidney failure, cancer of the esophagus, brain damage, and heart attacks.
Other consequences include:
liver failure rupture of the stomach seizures pancreatitis collapsed lung peptic ulcers bradycardia (dangerously slow heart rhythm) depression internal bleeding suicide malnutrition bowel dysfunction diabetes complications hair loss infertility miscarriage/stillborn babies dental problems (loss of tooth enamel, gum disease) low heart rate/low blood pressure low or elevated blood sugar
How to Help
Sometimes it’s hard to know when to say something. But if you feel someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, ignoring it is not the best route. Eating disorders wreak havoc with health and can result in serious illness or death. Talk to and listen to the person to let him or her know you care.
Try to:
listen without offering advice talk about feelings rather than behavior communicate that you care and want to help suggest the person see a counselor learn about eating disorders so you can spot potential signs be gentle when approaching someone for the first time about a possible problem be transparent about your own issues Try not to: comment on the person’s appearance judge him or say he’s doing something wrong bring the eating disorder up around others attempt to help the person by yourself worry about upsetting her; talking can help focus on food, calories, or weight fall for their excuses
Resources
Eating Disorders Anonymous, www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org, local chapter meets Sundays 12:15-1:15 p.m., First Presbyterian Church, Orange St., Lancaster (Free). Facebook group: Eating Disorders Anonymous of Central PA.
Mentors www.mentorconnect-ed.org (free) Penn State Hershey Inpatient Program www.pennstatehershey.org Eating Disorders Program at Brandywine Hospital www.brandywineeatingdisorders.com The Renfrew Center Eating Disorder Treatment Facility www.renfrewcenter.com Julie's Professional Help: Dietician Marie Acebo MEAcebo@lghealth.org 717-544-5988, www.lancastergeneralhealth.org Dietician Nicole Lefever, working with Julie on “Full” class www.midatlanticnutrition.com Therapist Rhonda Myers, www.scclanc.org Julie’s blog: www.evolutionpoweryoga.com/author/juliesblog Helpful Books The Body Image Workbook by Thomas F. Cash The Food and Feelings Workbook by Karen R. Koenig Hunger, Hope and Healing by Sarahjoy Marsh
