Back to school time is in the air and for some families that may mean the last child heading off to college or moving out and living on their own. Any time there is a major life transition (in this case were focusing on the parents) it can be difficult to navigate the mixed emotions and figuring out what the “new normal” will be.
Being a parent is a major part of one’s identity. It commands much of our time, effort and can be one of the most meaningful roles that we take on for 18+ years. That is part of the reason parents experience a significant feeling of loss; not only has their identity changed, but also their daily routines and activities may be very different once the last child leaves home.
Here are some tips any parent can use to ease into the new phase of life when the last child has flown the coop:
- Think about the different roles you have in your life and which ones you would like to expand. For example, maybe you are a wife, mom, daughter, employee, etc. If you picked your role as a “wife” you could focus more time and attention on your relationship with your partner. Maybe you can go on a date night or plan a trip together that you haven’t been able to do before with the kids around.
- Think of hobbies or interests you weren’t able to pursue before because of parenting. Now that the child(ren) aren’t at home you may have more time on your hands to do something like take a class to learn a new skill, or get back to doing a hobby you enjoyed before you had kids.
- Look at strengthening your relationships or making new friends. We know from research one of the biggest predictors of happiness is based on the quality of one’s social network. If you lost touch with some friends due to lack of time in the past, now is the time to rekindle those friendships. If you are feeling like you don’t have enough social outlets, a great place to meet people is on the website meetup.com. There you can find all different kinds of groups with a vast array of interests.
- Allow yourself to experience the different emotions you may have around this life transition. Write about it or talk to a loved one about how you are feeling. Folks tend to progress easier through life transitions when they let their feelings out rather than hold them in.
Although it can be difficult at first most people adjust to their “new normal” and are able to recognize the positive parts of having an empty nest.
By Alison Pidgeon, LPC